found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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