Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
