I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
