Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
