She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
