I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
