There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Randomize
