I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
