I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize