Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
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