my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
