Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
