You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Randomize
