Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Randomize
