So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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