The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
