I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
