i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Randomize
