I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize
