I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
