I want to make a zoo with you.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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