I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I believe in your delicious
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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