im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
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