Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
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On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize