Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize