I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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