Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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