dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
