I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
