Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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