wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
