im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
