He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
