i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
