Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Randomize
