haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
