then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
