What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
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