dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
