I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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