I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
