If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
