i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
