no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
