Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
