Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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