I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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