It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
