I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
