It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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