Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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