He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
