Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
