I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
