i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
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she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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