Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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