I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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