I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
