He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
