if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
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