If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
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