I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Randomize
