yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
