:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
