That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Randomize
