dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
