I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
