Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
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