My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
