So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
