Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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