yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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