There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
