so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
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she is the kim kardashian of front butts
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
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No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
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