i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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