My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Randomize
