ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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