conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
