you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
