haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
