The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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