Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
