4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
