I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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