I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
