Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
