I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize